The Mummy


Written by David Koepp,Christopher McQuarrie and Dylan Kussman with direction by Alex Kurtzman,The Mummy is the first film in the all new Dark Universe franchise and a re-boot of the old horror movies from Universal.

Supposedly starring Annabelle Wallis,Sofia Boutella,Jake Johnson and Russell Crowe,the film is in fact just a Tom Cruise film starring a 54 year old Tom Cruise as a 30 year old Tom Cruise in a film that should just have been called Tom Cruise..

The plot [for all it’s worth] of the film,if you’ve never seen a “Mummy” film before, is that an ancient Egyptian woman gets annoyed with her father,mother and baby brother,kills them all and is mummified [hence why it’s called The Mummy] for her sins and buried alive never to re-appear.6000 years later she is awoken by the American army in a bomb raid somewhere in the Middle East and decides that Tom Cruise is to be her new man and wreaks havoc upon the world [mainly London] until she gets what she wants..

So,how does this all add up in the cinematic history of The Mummy horror movies? well,it’s not as bad as I feared.Yes,it’s just basically Tom Cruise being an egotistical arse acting like a spoiled brat that needs to grow up and act his age and not his shoe size whilst the world goes to pot around him but there are some good points if you dig deep enough for it and going far enough down to find even more Egyptian Sarcophigigeegees..

For most part the action sequences work well through the murky depths of what appears to be some sort of heavy handed plot that’s laid on thicker than cement on a shovel.It’s not quite “let me explain the plot to the audience as we go along” Da Vinci Code style bad but everything does get laid out for you in the dialogue so you don’t need to pay much attention to it as Tom Snooze shouts “run” every 30 seconds and acts a twat [have I mentioned that yet?]

However,after the success of Wonder Woman showing that women can be a strong and stable [are we still saying this?] vehicle for a film,this one just has the main female lead,in this case Annabelle Wallis as Jennifer,needing saving and rescuing so often during the film that the whole thing becomes a pastiche of Indiana Jones “hero saves feeble woman” within the first 20 minutes and becomes tedious with a hour still to “run!”..

The film does try at times to explain and expand on how the Dark Universe is likely to develop but instead of using Marvel’s slowly but surely steady as she goes successful method they instead have gone for the DC throw it all in the mix and see what happens scenario which at times works but mostly falls flat on its backside..

Sofia Bautella as The Mummy is a fine,slightly off her rocker bunny boiler,hell have no fury villain and does hold the film together as Tom Snooze does his best to ruin it but all in all it just about keeps it’s head out of the sandy abyss as it raids the tombs of just about every other action film of this ilk for inspiration.

I you can stomach 2 hours of Tom Snooze being a prat [have I mentioned that yet?] and just appreciate the action scenes then you may just get through it unscathed and hope that Russell Crowe’s “Doctor” improves in the next film [I think he may be a Nick Fury role thingy] and carries the franchise into calmer waters.If not then probably best to dig out the old Boris Karloff’s and enjoy them instead..

It has it’s flaws,the stodgy plot,the in your face dialogue and Tom Snooze being a twat [have I mentioned that yet?] but it’s not all doom and gloom,some of it will make you jump and is a bit scary and is worth a viewing on a cold Winter’s night..

it’s not the worst thing I’ve seen recently that’s for sure [hello King Arthur!] and the CGI is quite impressive.

If you want to play a Joxer Drinking Game,have a shot of something silly every time someone shouts “run!” and see how far you get into the film before alcohol poisoning sets in..

Joxer Film Rating


3 stars


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